How To Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want It

How do you offer help to a person who doesn’t want to be helped?

Or at least someone you have tried to get in touch with, but they would just rather be left alone?

Especially those ones who at one time or the other gave hints of how they may not be doing okay.

Every time I read about suicidal attempts and the actual occurrences, I tell myself that we as a people need to do better at keeping in touch and getting involved in the lives of close friends and colleagues.

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves. – William Arthur Ward

Some of the triggering factors for suicidal thoughts include depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorders, and substance abuse.

None of these factors are written on people’s foreheads, right?

So, it could happen to even the strongest amongst us.

Depression is the most common leading cause of suicide.

It’s as if things are even more complicated these days, which easily leads to negative life experiences resulting in depression.

It takes strength to face such battles.

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. – Harriet Beecher Stowe

I salute anyone and everyone who has conquered, still fighting and hoping to conquer or has almost given up all hopes (I salute you that you’re still hanging in there).

To be alive is to be hopeful.

It is important to talk about it, seek professional help and treatment. And of course, do not give up.

I read about a lady who gave an account on how a friend reached out to her in the morning, did not want to be alone and just needed to talk.
According to the lady who gave the account, she was really swamped up and promised to drop by later in the day.
When she eventually did later that evening, it was too late. This is someone who admitted to and wanted to be helped.

Similarly, there are people who always seem so fine to us, but the next we’ll hear of them, is how they took their own lives or attempted to; then afterwards the truth about their state begin to get unraveled.

And there are others, who admit they’re not fine but would rather be left alone.


So, how do you reach out to someone who doesn’t want to be helped? Someone who clearly is not in the best frame of mind.

Say, you have tried several times and various ways to reach out to them, except stalking them of course.

Phone calls, SMS, chats and still no response. You have contacted mutual friends to know when last they were in touch, and if they could reach them at that point in time.

The only thing left is to visit their house, if you’re fortunate to have them live in the same city with you.

This is not an article with answers, I actually have questions.

This is something I am currently experiencing, so I know throwing it out there as an honest question would be very helpful. I need answers people.


I am genuinely concerned about a friend who lives in a different city. The last time we spoke, he was evidently fed up.

I have tried to make follow-up calls but he seems to have shut everyone out.

From the last discussion we had, I can pick up two or more of the signs in the above illustration from a replay of our discussion.

Besides this lingering question of what to do next, I am also bothered about the need to thread carefully, so as not to seem like one is being pushy and overly concerned.

Comments on the possible actions to take would be appreciated.

As the saying goes, helping one person may not change the whole world, but it could change the world for one person.

Thank you for your time. You are unique.

Images via and internet

UPDATE: I have been able to reach the person and all is well. Phone problems was the reason for the unavailability.

2 Replies to “How To Help Someone Who Doesn’t Want It”

  1. Thank God you were eventually able to reach the person and the cause for not being able to do so initially was nothing to worry about, however, I have learnt to pray about situations I have no physical control of. That’s the only way you can be sure to reach such a person.
    I am currently dealing with a similar situation and the prayer approach has yielded promising results

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